The 3 little Rippers
by dani darko
Summary: This fanfic is based on both the comics and the film of Tank Girl. It was written for fun on my part. I just love the characters and settings. Please review. :)


Once upon a time, 2034, in Australia, lived three little rippers. Well, they weren't really "little" but it kind of makes the story sound a bit nicer, don't you think? Anyway, I digress. The rippers were a gang of genetically-engineered mutant kangaroo men, who were created by Johnny Prophet, to fight in a war. But the war was over and Prophet was told to poison the rippers so that they wouldn't be of any threat to W&P, the most powerful company on earth. But Johnny loved his little rippers so he taught them religion and gave them freedom. Later, the rippers teamed up with Tank Girl and Jet Girl to rip W&P to the ground, thus saving the world. Anyway... Tank, Jet, and newly aquired crew members: Stevie, Barney, and Sub Girl all went off on a drinking binge. So, the rippers were left at their subgate hide-out with only a note that said "dear mutants, we've gone to get pissed out of our minds. see ya, Tank Girl... P.S. Booga, keep away from my vacuum attachments!" This really angered the rippers because they considered themselves part of the crew, even though the crew was often rude and obnoxious to them. So, there you have it. DeeTee, Donner, and Booga decided that they were tired of hanging around underground, that they didn't even need to anymore since Kesslee was dead, and so they decided that they would go out and build their own community. DeeTee was really creative seeing as he was a famous poet reincarnated, Donner had lots of technological intuition having been reincarnated from Ted Smith - a mechanic from Cleveland, Ohio. And Booga, well...Booga used to be a dog in his past life..so...yeah... After they had packed all their belongings, and Booga stole a few vacuum attachments, they headed out of their underground home. They walked for days through the desert looking for the perfect place to set up their homes. Finally they found a shady place with an oasis, so they would have water supplied. Donner started setting up his equipment immediately. He had drawn up blueprints during the evenings when they would stop and camp for the night. He had dragged about a ton of twisted, tossed, abandoned steel behind him, and he had picked some spare parts up along the way. So, he started building his steel home. DeeTee, though admiring Donner's spirit, didn't want to live in "a rigid, cold, no-feelings-at-all house", so he set off about 100 meters away building a clever hut. He used bones of devoured and abandoned animals, palm trees, rope, leather, and lined the inside with all of his poetry. He was satisfied with his more natural approach to his home. Finally, Booga woke up from his beer binge and looked around. First he went knocking on Donner's door. "Hey, Donner, I was like sleeping and then I sort of woke up, and like then next I saw your house that you built and stuff and like can I live at your house then?" he stuttered. "Noway, Booga, you go build your own house. I'm planning on having big ass orgies and stuff here and you're not invited, dude." Donner told him as he slammed the door in his face. Booga's ears lowered and twitched as he clutched his tail for comfort. "Okay, then, Donner...Thanks...uh..yeah..Thanks." he said to Donner's door and he shuffled away, stung by his friend's rejection. Then he saw DeeTee sitting on the roof of his hut playing the bongos and chanting a poem. He bounced over gleefully to greet DeeTee. "Uh, hey, DeeTee! Uh, can I stay at um.. your place? I saw Donner but he- he- well," Booga's ears twitched a little more as he looked down. "Come on, Booga, you've got ta learn to do things on your own, man! How are you ever going to get respect if you're always livin' off of someone else all the time? --Hey, wait a minute...I think I'm writing a poem about this..." Oh desperate ripper! Oh drunken badger! Oh dental floss you stick in my teeth! ..." Booga hopped off toward the oasis and looked at his reflection. He thought about what materials he had to work with. He looked at his stuff which included, three vacuum attachments, a purse full of marbles, and about 10,000 beer cans. So, he started stacking the beer cans, and later than sooner, he had built himself the world's first beer can igloo. By the time he had finished, it was dark, so he scurried into his igloo and fell asleep to the sound of DeeTee's bongo. The next morning he awoke to the sound of an explosion. He sat up directly and twitched his ears to hear better. Then he stuck his head out the doorway. "Rebeka! You foul beast!" DeeTee cried out as his hut was blown about 25,000 meters away. Tank Girl sat in her recliner on top of her tank and laughed. "I'm a foul beast? At least I ain't no mutant manimal who smells like his own shit!" she laughed some more. Booga could see Jet Girl hovering above watching the massacre, Sub Girl had tunneled up through the oasis and was watching through a window, Stevie was relieving himself near a palm tree, and Barney was picking her teeth with one of the bones that had formerly been part of DeeTee's hut. "Where the FUCK are my VACUUM attachments? HUH? I know one of you stinky kangaroos haz 'em! I bet they're all stopped up with Kangaroo pubes!!" she spat. Then she took aim at Donner's house. "Donner, you fuck! do you have them?" He ran out of the house. "NO, TANK GIRL! DON'T DESTROY MY HOUSE! I JUST INSTALLED A SATELITE DISH!" he yelled as he ran toward the tank. "Nowhere in that sentence did I hear the words Vacuum Attachments." she said as she pulled the trigger. *BLAM!POW!CRASH!* steel flew everywhere! Donner fell to his knees and groaned. "Tank! You know very well that Booga took your attachments!" he screamed at her in anger. Booga ducked back into his igloo and chewed on his tail anxiously. "HOLY SHIT! Jet, Sub! Look at Booga's igloo! It's a masterpiece! A work of ART! The best idea I've ever seen! Now that's what I call recycling your beer cans!" she hopped down from her tank and crunched across the littered sand toward his igloo. "BOOGA! GETCHER ASS OUT HERE NOW!" she yelled. Slowly, he crept out of the igloo and started to stutter an excuse. But before he could, she snogged him. Good and hard, just layed into his mouth with her tongue...his tail shot into the air (and that wasn't the only part of his body to do so). "I just got one question for ya, Booga...Do you have my vacuum attachments?" He nodded at her silently, dumbstruck from the kiss. "I thought so, come with me, you naughty manimal!" They entered the beer can igloo and she stuck her head out to see Stevie, Sub, Jet, Barney, DeeTee, and Donner all staring at her, she stuck a fag in her mouth and lit it, releasing a puff of smoke. "I don't want any of you perverts coming in here, unless you wanna join in! You got that?!" They all nodded dumbly, a few of them shuddered. "Damn, Booga, This place is making me almost as horny as my tank!" she said as they slammed the door behind them. Later that night, as the crew sat around a campfire, they could hear the low rumble of a vacuum sweeper in the distance.  
The End  
by dani darko 


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